Dying Flowers
by JustMakeLeftTurns
Summary: Three times Leo almost relapses, and the one time he does. Warning for self harm. Sequel to Leo's Flowers.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lab Rats.**

" _You know what else is missing? … Your manhood." – Adam,_ Cyborg Shark Attack

* * *

Episode: 3x8, "Taken."

* * *

He'd had close calls before. Leo had struggled at first to stop cutting after his family had found out. It had taken a lot of therapy plus antidepressants to help him correct his thinking. Even after he'd stopped believing the Voice, he couldn't stop cutting. He'd tried as hard as he could, but it was an addiction. And itch he had to scratch.

It had taken months for Leo to stop completely. Rubber bands on his wrists took the place of razors, and soon enough ink flowers covered his body underneath his clothes. When he'd felt himself slipping, he would spend time with his family, distracting himself. Sometimes they'd known what he was doing. But as time went on and no blood had been drawn, they gradually forgot the reasons why Leo sometimes clung to them. Not literally, of course, because clinging is a weakness.

Leo had stopped the therapy sessions at long last, and a little while after that, flowers on his skin were less common. He was even trying to convince his mom to let him stop taking the antidepressants – surely he'd proved himself okay by then.

"Not okay as I thought I was," Leo murmured to himself.

He sat on the floor of his bedroom, out of sight of any spying Eddy's. His bedroom door was locked. Tears dripped down his nose as he drew shaky flowers on his wrist.

 _Useless_.

"Stop it," he whispered harshly. The Voice was wrong. He wasn't useless.

 _Pathetic._

"You're wrong." His hand slipped. The flower was ruined. He sniffed, ignored the trembling of his lip, moved on to start another one.

 _Blabbermouth._

Leo pressed the tip of the marker harder against his skin. There was a dull pain, but not enough. Not nearly enough. He had a shaving razor in his bathroom –

Realizing where his thoughts were heading, Leo let go of the marker. It rolled under the bed. Leo covered his mouth with shaking hands. He needed – he needed –

"Distraction," he told himself. "Go play video games with Adam. Or go down to the lab. Or –"

 _Stop talking._

Leo choked on a sob. He'd been trying to help. He'd tried to be brave. To stand up for his family. To protect his mom. Krane was too powerful. Leo knew he hadn't stood a chance. Stupid little Leo had tried – however briefly – to confront him. Failed. And his mom… she had said …

" _Sweetie, you gotta stop talking."_

He'd been trying to help. He'd tried to encourage Mr. Davenport. Made it worse. Heat. So much heat. His insides were burning. And his mom, he'd put her in worse danger. By trying to help, he'd made it worse.

" _Stop talking to him!"_

"I'm fine, I'm fine," Leo tried, yet again, to distract himself.

 _Stop talking._

"I'm gonna go and… and…"

 _Stop talking._

"Maybe Mom needs help cooking dinner."

 _Stop talking._ _She doesn't need you._

"Maybe Chase and I can hang out."

 _Stop talking. He's too smart to be your friend._

Leo closed his eyes tight. He formed tight fists, nails leaving crescents in his palms. It wasn't true. None of it was true. He was just having a bad day.

And yet he found himself thinking about his shaving razor.

Leo let out a shaky sigh of defeat. Opening his eyes, he got to his feet. He started over towards his bathroom.

His bedroom door crashed open. Literally. It was off its hinges. Leo hastily wiped at his eyes. Adam stood there with the door lifted in one hand.

"Adam!" Leo gestured at the door. "That was locked for a reason!"

Adam grinned and chuckled a bit. "Sorry, dude. Guess I don't know my own strength."

"Did you need something or did you just want to tear down my door for the fun of it?"

Adam shrugged. "I can't remember." A moment later he added, "Oh, wait, now I do! Tasha says it's your turn to set the table."

Leo blinked. "Since when does anyone set the table? Remember when we tried that?" Having three bionic teenagers argue over the seating arrangement and showing off their abilities had caused a ruckus. It was easier and less painful to grab food from the kitchen and bringing it over with them. "A lot of fine china was lost that day." They hadn't use fine china since then, actually.

Wait, what had happened to the Voice?

Adam laughed, immediately cutting off Leo's train of thought. "Oh, yeah. That's true."

"So, can you leave?" Leo tried again, but he wasn't sure why he wanted Adam to leave. The Voice wasn't haunting his thoughts anymore. But, the itch…

"No." For a moment, Adam looked completely serious. His eyes flitted to Leo's wrist before studying the younger teen's face. Leo tugged his shirt sleeve over the flowers. The tension in the air had risen considerably.

Leo cleared his throat. "Adam." A pause. "Please leave." His voice didn't crack, nope, no sir.

"C'mon Leo, it's dinner time." Adam sounded as normal as ever, but his eyes never wavered, and his usual smile was absent.

"I'll be down in a minute." Leo headed towards the bathroom. Hey, washing hands before a meal is normal. He could cut just a little bit, really fast, just enough to get him through dinner. And yet the itch wasn't as strong as it had been before. It was bound to come back, though, right?

Adam had other plans. He set down the door and grabbed Leo in a hug from behind. It was relatively loose, but Leo had no illusion that he was going anywhere. Leo took a deep breath and released it before speaking.

"Okay," he said. "You win." The Voice had been silenced. The itch was barely there. He… could actually do this. Leo let a relieved and thankful smile creep onto his face.

"Great!" Adam yelled. "Now let's go eat!"

"Ow! Adam, that was my ear!"


	2. Chapter 2

" _It's not that we don't believe you; it's just that we don't care about the things you say." – Bree,_ Principal from Another Planet

* * *

Episode: 3x21, "First Day at Bionic Academy."

* * *

Worst. Day. Ever.

That's all Leo could think as he stood in the training room. He probably shouldn't be there – everyone else was either asleep or getting ready to – but he needed something to distract him. Now.

He knew the drill. He'd get upset about something stupid, and then he'd cry, and then he'd cut himself like some stupid emo kid. Leo let out a yell as he fired a laser orb at a target. He wouldn't let himself be that stupid, weak, pathetic –

No. He had to stop. The more he thought those things, the more he'd believe them. The more likely the Voice would return.

Leo loathed the Voice.

 _And here I thought we had something special._

Leo scoffed. "Great. So much for keeping you out of my head."

His heartrate increased. It wasn't because of the exercise.

He'd already heard the Voice. He knew it was a losing battle.

But like hell was he going to let himself fall without a fight. He hated the Voice, he hated cutting, he hated having the draw flowers on his body to keep them away. He hated being weak.

 _At last, you admit it._

Leo didn't bother answering. He'd gone to therapy three times now. He knew that the Voice wasn't real. That it was just another part of himself, the part of him that apparently wants to ruin his life and watch him sink into a pit of despair. Not this time.

Another laser orb was thrown. It missed the target.

 _And that's why you're a student and not a mentor._

Another yell of rage, another laser orb.

 _It doesn't matter that you've been with them for years. That you know how they train._

Leo turned and punched a dummy's head right off.

 _You're just weak little Leo._

"Shut up!"

A laser orb was flung across the room. It didn't do any damage to the wall.

 _Careful. You might damage the island again. That's all you do, you know. Mess things up for everyone else. Endanger the lives of others._

"That's not true!" Leo punched the dummy across the room, as well. It hit the wall, but did no damage to it. The dummy was permanently deformed, though.

 _Even your siblings and stepfather think that. Why else would they think you damaged the island on purpose?_

Leo shook his head. Everyone had been scared of drowning and taken it out on him, that was all. They didn't think he was stupid enough, dangerous enough, to purposely knock the island off of its foundation.

 _Face it. You don't belong here. You don't even belong with them._

Leo inhaled sharply through his nose. He pushed back the tears that threatened to fall. He would not fall, he would not fail. Not this time.

But he knew the Voice was right. He didn't belong on the island. Everyone had already formed their friend groups. None of them would include him. And that would've been okay if Leo was part of Adam, Bree, and Chase's group. But they had split up a bit, too. And even when they were together, their mentor uniforms made the separation between them and him all too clear.

He didn't belong anywhere.

Leo hated the Voice.

He wondered how badly a laser orb on his skin would hurt. If it would scar. If it would get rid of the Voice. Maybe even get rid of him.

"No," Leo said, trying to focus. "No. I'm strong enough. I can beat this."

He focused on the one good thing of the day: Spin standing up for him. Despite everyone – every single person in the area – hating Leo and being mad at him, Spin had still spoken up. Reminded everyone that Leo had just made a mistake.

" _A huge mistake."_

"Shut _up_!" Leo fired a laser orb in a random direction.

"Leo?" Said teen froze. "What's going on?"

Leo turned and tried to get rid of the deer-caught-in-headlights look he was sure was on his face. He faced Chase, forced a grin. His fingers trembled.

 _Now look what you've done._

Leo's brow twitched, but he kept his response to the Voice quiet.

"Hey, Chase!" Leo said, a little too loud, and little too high-pitched to be casual. He tried again, careful of voice pitch. "I'm just, uh, doing some training. Yeah. Gotta perfect my bionics if I ever wanna be a mentor." His arms twitched, but he wasn't sure what pose to do, if he should do one at all. Should he show off? Make a super strength joke? He needed Chase to leave. Now.

Chase walked into the training room until he was right in front of Leo. "Are you okay?"

Leo caught Chase looking at his arms. He had to do something, and quick.

"Dude, are you seriously scanning me?" Leo asked, despite knowing the negative answer. "I told you, that is an invasion of my privacy."

"Lift your shirt up," Chase demanded.

Leo raised his eyebrows. "You feeling okay? 'Cuz I hate to remind you, but we're brothers. Which means this –" he gestured to both of them, "can't happen."

Chase let out a huff of irritation. He reached for Leo's shirt. "Just let me see."

Chase was able to lift the shirt up to Leo's chest before Leo backed away. The shirt flopped back down. "Hey, personal space!"

Chase let out a sigh of relief. "Okay, now that that's been checked." He looked Leo in the eye. "You need to talk to someone."

Leo backed up further and threw his hands up in the air. "Pssh, what're you talking about? I'm talking to you right now, aren't I?"

"I heard you with my bionic hearing," Chase said, crossing his arms. "You were talking to yourself. More specifically, you were arguing with that voice in your head, weren't you? Which means, you're not okay, and you need to talk to someone."

"Chase," Leo started slowly. He placed a hand on the other's shoulder. "You might be a genius. But sometimes you're wrong." He patted Chase's shoulder and turned to leave. "I'm going to bed now. G'night!"

Chase grabbed onto his arm before Leo could get away. "Not so fast." He turned Leo around so they were once again facing one another. "I'm not letting you out of my sight until I'm sure you're okay."

Leo went to make another silly comment but the joke died in his throat. He didn't have an urge to hurt himself, and the Voice had long since disappeared again, but the truth was, he didn't trust himself to be alone. He didn't want to go back down that path of despair and depression again. Why was he trying to get away from someone who'd noticed his struggle?

Leo nodded jerkily and let Chase lead him away. Knowing that Chase's bionic hearing would pick it up, he whispered under his breath, "Thank you."


	3. Chapter 3

" _I don't fit in anywhere." – Leo,_ First Day at Bionic Academy

* * *

Episode: 4x7, "Forbidden Hero."

* * *

Taken off the team. He'd been _taken_ off the _team_.

By his _mom_ , who didn't even have _anything to do with_ the missions. Leo barely even saw her in person anymore. She had no right.

Oh, sure, everything had been sorted out now. Leo had saved his mom, and she'd let him stay on the team. But the fact that she'd tried to keep him off the team – she was going to take him with her back to the mainland. Away from Adam, Bree, and Chase. His friends, siblings, and teammates.

Speaking of which, they hadn't even defended him. Leo's rage turned to hurt and sadness. He'd trusted them to stick up for him, to tell his mom that he had what it took to go on missions. Sure, he'd gotten hurt twice in one week, but he was just on a bad streak, that was all.

They hadn't even tried.

 _They send you in first because you're the weakest. The distraction while they do the real dirty work._

Leo sat down in the chair in the 'classroom' beside the hydro-loop. Being angry while near tears all day had left him utterly exhausted. He didn't have the energy to fight the Voice.

 _They clearly don't see you as their equal._

He knew that.

 _They didn't even care when your mom was going to take you away from the island._

Leo leaned his face into his hands. His elbows hit the smooth surface of the table. His shirt rode up his stomach, revealing the flowers he'd been drawing all day.

 _They don't even like you. You're not their brother. You're their pet._

Leo shifted his hands from his face to his ears. His eyes shut tight, he willed the Voice to go away.

 _You know how to get rid of me. Bet you won't do it. You're too pathetic. Useless little Leo, that's what you are._

"Not true," Leo whispered brokenly.

 _You're a joke. Unwanted. Unneeded._

"Not true," Leo repeated, slightly more firmly. His siblings had said the opposite. They'd said they needed him. That he was an important part of the team.

 _Oh, poor naïve, gullible, stupid Leo._

He really, really hated the Voice.

Gaining a sudden sense of clarity, Leo lowered his arms. He laid his left arm – his stupid, weak, non-bionic arm – on the table. He was at his limit. He'd been falling apart for months. He needed the Voice to go away. His marker laid in his pocket, forgotten. He instead lifted his right arm – his perfect, strong, bionic arm – and summoned the laser orb energy. Leo licked his lips. He was apprehensive, nervous, horrified at himself. But he couldn't fight it anymore. He'd lost. Failed.

He wondered how badly it would hurt.

"Leo!"

He jolted, accidentally firing the laser orb into the room. It fizzled out once it hit the wall. His shirt ruffled as Bree used her super speed to run over to him.

"Leo, what were you _thinking_?" Bree asked. She took his arms and looked over them for any injuries. Leo yanked his limbs away.

"I'm fine, Bree," he said. Bree crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows. Leo suddenly noticed how much like Chase she looked. "Seriously! I'm fine!"

Bree sighed and dropped her arms to her sides. "That's just it, Leo," she told him. "I don't think you are." Leo tried to argue despite knowing she was right, but the older teen cut him off. "You tried to hurt yourself. That's not 'fine'."

The Voice had left again. Leo was too exhausted and upset to explain. To stand. To speak. He chose, instead, to avoid Bree's gaze.

"Why would you try to do this to yourself, Leo?" Bree demanded. "I thought …"

"What? That I was better?" Leo asked lowly. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Bree flinch. He sighed. "Look, sometimes I have bad days, but I can get through them. Other times, I have worse days, and I have a hard time not slipping back into old habits."

Bree just stood there, at a loss of what to do. Leo smiled, genuinely glad that she'd stopped him from making another stupid mistake.

"So… you've had other 'worse days'?" Bree asked, expression worried.

Leo bit his lip. "Well, yes, but –"

He was cut off when Bree pulled him into a hug. Leo wrapped his arms around her, holding on perhaps a bit too tightly, but not enough to hurt her. It was several minutes before they pulled away.

"We love you, Leo," Bree said. "Don't… don't hurt yourself."

Leo was surprised when he found himself crying. But he supposed he should have expected it. After a long day of feeling hurt and untrusted and unloved, it was nice to hear someone say it.

Bree held him again while he cried.


	4. Chapter 4

Episode: 4x17, "Lab Rats: On the Edge."

* * *

Everything had been messed up. _He_ had messed up. Over and over and over. This time, he wasn't imagining things. He'd actually ruined someone's life. Permanently.

 _Stupid._

Why had he insisted on making his own team? Why had he taken advantage of being a leader?

 _Pathetic._

Why hadn't he just accepted that he wasn't good enough to be up on stage with Adam, Bree, and Chase? Why didn't he just acknowledge that he wasn't a leader?

 _Worthless._

More importantly: why hadn't he listened to Chase?

 _Useless._

He'd wanted to show off. To prove himself. To show that he deserved to be a mentor. That he deserved to be up on that stage with the president. That he had earned a spot on the team. That he wasn't extra baggage. That he was worth something.

 _Dangerous._

He'd gotten carried away. Used his team to get back at his family. Got mocked in return, but instead of talking it out, he'd tried to show off. What a mistake.

 _You're a mistake._

He'd hurt Taylor. More than that, he'd _blinded_ her. He'd ruined her life. And for what? He'd acted like a child. He deserved what was coming.

 _Selfish._

His markers were all in the trash. The blade from his razor was not.

 _Coward._

The first cut was the hardest. He'd tried for so long not to give in to temptation. He was ashamed. Angry. Sad. He wanted to stop. He had to continue.

 _I dare you._

The next cut was easier. He wished it wasn't so easy.

 _Not enough._

He continued to cut until the Voice left. He cried when he was done. He cried when he cleaned his arm and the blade. He cried as he looked in the mirror.

He couldn't let anyone know. He was weak. They'd kick him off the team. It was easier to leave on his own than be fired.

He called his mom, packed his bags, and prepared to say his goodbyes.

* * *

 **Okay guys this is the end to this story. Not a happy ending for Leo, but that doesn't mean it has to be that way in real life. If you or someone you know self harms, tell someone you trust- a parent, a teacher, a counselor, etc. People care.**


End file.
